These days and age embraces liberal decisions from all aspects of life. It allows you to dress the way you want and love whoever you prefer, regardless of your gender. These times offers freedom to live the way you want. It’s now slowly disregarding old social norms; for as long as you’re happy. The once disgraced action of divorce is now socially acceptable to most part of the modern world. For some of us who greatly value the role of a family in our society and in our own lives, for some of us who made a mistake in the past and are no longer willing to do the trial and error way of commitment; the reasons for divorce might be a helpful note to keep in mind.
Marrying for the wrong reasons. There are various reasons that one may have in marrying another and most of them except for love are bound for divorce. There are those blessed couples who still end up happily married and in love with each even if they started on the wrong food, but there are many who don’t. These reasons make marriage a wrong decision right from the start. Those reasons exist even during the ancient times. The difference now is that when those reasons are gone or doesn’t provide a certain value, resorting to divorce is much easier and acceptable.
- Money. One of the most popular reasons why some people get married is money. It hurts to admit that there are people who don’t really have a better choice than marrying for money. While those have better options prefer to just “buy” love than to work hard for it. Yes, just like any other things in life, true love needs hard work as well.
- Companionship. Sometimes it is sad to be alone, that is if you don’t take advantage of it. Instead of giving to anybody for companionship, you can take singlehood to your advantage. It’s an opportunity to enjoy partying and meeting all sorts of people. If you’re having a problem being alone, perhaps it’s time for you to move somewhere busier and more exciting. Better yet, travel! It’s a great way to widen your horizons and see the rest of what the world has in store for you. Stop wasting time sulking in your house. It’s time to shift your gears and experience the world rather than trap yourself in a meaningless commitment just for the sake of companionship.
- Biological clock ticking. Women can be understandably alarmed with this natural phenomenon. Most women long for a family of their own and children of their own. Most of our beloved women count this as an accomplishment. They are right; a happy family with happy children is a great accomplishment for a happy couple. And that is the key. For as long as you know it in your heart that the marriage is going to make you and the rest of the family happy in a long-term basis, then trying the knot is a perfect move. Whether a man or a woman, if you want to have a child, you can, without being committed to someone you don’t really have strong feelings with. If you believe you can take care, raise and love a child, that’s all you need to think about. Just remember that a child is not a pet. Having a child is so much more than just responsibility.
- Getting pregnant. Most of you will agree that this is a tough situation. Being responsible parents is certainly an unavoidable responsibility but it doesn’t require being compelled to an empty commitment. In the long-run, if the marriage didn’t work, the first one to be affected is the child. Being raised by responsible parents even though they live apart from each other is better than going through the pains of divorce and being in the middle of it as a child.
Suggestion: Love yourself and your life first. Many psychologists today agree that loving yourself is one of the most important keys in finding true love from a partner. Do you love how you’re doing right now? Do you love how you look? Loving yourself makes you more responsible of you well-being, which prevents unwanted circumstances. People will look at you, the way you look at yourself. If you believe you are worthy of real love and life-long commitment, then that is how people will see you as well. You wouldn’t have to resort to “buying fake love” or seeking for a loveless companionship, you won’t feel obliged to marry just to have a child.
Choosing the wrong partner. Marrying the wrong person boils down from marrying for the wrong reasons. There are things that could overpower our logical reasoning in choosing the right one. There are some who still choose to be in a committed relationship despite lack of compatibility. Most of those couple judge by their level of attraction towards one another. Attraction is a good starting point for dating, but when it comes to serious relationship such as marriage, other things weigh more. Being married is spending the rest of your life with your partner (that’s the ideal goal), so more likely, you won’t just stare or touch and stay attracted that way. You will be working, dining, talking, raising kids and dreams and living with that person. To have a successful marriage is to stay attracted to the person in whatever situation or circumstance, good or bad, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. It does sound heavy; yes. We’ve all heard about it and it is very true, otherwise, either prepare for divorce sooner or later or prepare to have less than quality and happy life. So it is important to be honest and very reasonable with our choices. Here are the things that you might want to consider in choosing the one:
- What are the things that you require from your partner? Before you answer this question, you might as well want to determine if your requirements are realistic. The safest margin is to be equally good as your requirements. Honesty has always been a good foundation in anything. If you have better characteristics than the requirements you find in a partner then that’s much better. It increases your chances of attracting a compatible mate.
- Do you share the same relationship goals? You may have found the one but do you have the same things in mind when it comes to commitment? Do you share the same goals? If he or she says so, is it for real? Or is the person only trying to please you at the moment. You can’t know the answer immediately but action speaks louder than words. Give it some time. Observe and get your answers. If you’re so in the “in-love” moment, it well helps if you jot down your goals and the observations you have in your partner. After some time, make a comparison. Does it add up?
- Impulsive love addicts who hope for too much. Letting yourself feel madly in love is a great experience. Who cares if it’s too soon? For as long as you can control your expectations while enjoying the feeling of being in-love, in my opinion its okay. A friend once said “If you don’t expect it’s impossible for you to get disappointed.” If you can’t pull off being “in-love” without much expectations, then don’t let yourself be a victim of “fake love” and bad marriages. Just like any other things you need to know if the “love” you feel is suited for marriage. For those who find love overnight and were able to enjoy it for the rest of their live – congratulations! I envy all of you. I wish I had the same. For most of us who are still in the market, enjoy and be weary of your feelings.
Suggestion: In this case, it’s important to know what you want. Create a checklist for it. Your current partner might be a perfect 10 right now but consistency is the key. Give it some time and observe if he or she really is the one. Most importantly, we have to learn to listen to our gut feel. You mind and you heart will give you signs and lets you feel that you need to reconsider or wait some more. If you are currently dealing with things that could influence your decision and if you believe that the solution to those things is marriage, then you better stop for a while. Keep in mind that marriage is a union of two lives that create another or a few more lives; not a solution to a problem. If you treat marriage as a solution to a problem, logically, going through marriage will solve your problem; then what will marriage be for you afterwards? You have to do your best and solve your own problems instead of using marriage as a way out.
Growing apart. We’ve heard and witness it from a few of our friends. The once happily in-love couple has now become strangers to each other. So many things can cause this and sometimes you couldn’t even explain. For most marriages it happens in over a period of years and it’s not an accident. One of you or both can
- Lack of communication. Stress over work, kids or even social life can lead to the disregard of the importance of communication in a marriage. When people get married, couples become complacent with the day to day status of their union. Other things such as business or kid become the priority. Each time we do this, it becomes a convenient habit can lead to the break-up of marriage.
- Doesn’t have support and involvement with each other. Any relationship needs support from each other. Marriage on the other hand, needs more than just support; it also needs understanding between the two people involved. Both parties need to really understand one another and be able to empathize. Hearing but not listening won’t enable you to understand or empathize. You don’t have to bombard your partner with questions in order to know more about his or her endeavors. A genuine understanding comes from hands-on involvement. This is a great way to understand your partner’s interests while providing the perfect opportunity to appreciate it as well. Who knows, you might end up not only supporting your partner but sharing the same interests as well.
- Lack of romance and adventure. Complacency contributes to this situation; giving us thoughts that there will be another day. Well, a day that passed by is a day lost. The more you indulge in procrastination when it comes to nurturing your partnership needs, the more likely it is that you’re inviting an environment for you and your loved one to grow apart.
Suggestion: Staying in love and strengthening any type of relationship, especially marriage needs commitment and a conscious effort from both partners. It takes just a little bit of time and simple efforts that goes a long way with the help of consistency. Know more about your spouse’s interests, hobbies and ventures to be able to understand him or her more. Most importantly, know what your partner wants, be open-minded and try to provide it to him. If it doesn’t hurt you in anyway, there’s nothing wrong if you’d give it a try. Please remember that not even the toughest contract in the world can stop your partner from wanting what he or she really wants or for needing what he or she really needs. Your marriage may be able to suppress and delay the satisfaction of these wants and needs but sooner or later, it will ascend from wherever its hiding and you wouldn’t want him or her finding it somewhere or from someone else.